How I answered a spam email (again) and saved my marriage

Ups! I did it again.

After that time when I applied online to become a member of the Illuminati – the post is still getting a lot of traffic, part must be bots and trackers but part is regular people honestly interested in the topic, which is scary interesting – this time I answered to the email I received by one “Doctor Okojie” (doctor of what, is not easy to say) promising to solve all my life problems.

What follows is the email conversation I had with the guy(s), over the course of 3 days.

It’s intended to give you half an hour of fun. But in case you arrived on this page wondering “is there anything true?” and have no time to read all the post, the essence is this: THESE STORIES ARE ALL FAKE. There is nothing true. Not one bit. Don’t ever send money online to unknown people who promise to solve all your life problems. Or one problem at the time.

Actually, don’t ever send money online to unknown people, period. What will happen is: these guys will take your money, and disappear. And these scams have thousands of victims every year. DON’T FALL FOR IT. 

Having clarified this, let’s start with the fun stuff!

The kick off. 

I got as spam mail a message describing the wonderful qualities of “Doctor Okojie”, miracle healer, who was promising to solve all my life problems – from impotency to financial trouble, from love ailments to hair loss. Wow, I thought, this is worth trying. So I went:

and waited. Once again, I didn’t have to wait too long for the answer:

Now that’s an original way to start doing magic. “Are you on whatsApp?”.

Anyway no, I wanted to continue the conversation via email. So I told him.

And in response, I get the super long official introduction:

You are welcome to Dr Okojie Spell Temple, temple of solution of
different kinds of spell.CURE TO ALL KIND OF SICKNESS, LOVE , MONEY,
PROTECTION, GOOD JOB,PROMOTION, EX BACK, WIN LOTTERY and so many more.
Dr Okojie Spell Temple is a great temple which has been in
existence for the past 110  year and it has been past from generation
to generations. What I do here is 100% guaranteed and no matter what
the problem is, my spell must work for the power behind it is very
powerful and secured, no harm and very easy, And this temple is a
place of seriousness what I want here is real people who really want
their problems to be solve and not a playing ground. And in this
temple there are rules that can never be violated:

{1} Do not tell anybody about the spell until you have seen result.
{2} Do not work with me and the same time work with another spell
caster it is either you make a choice
{3} Do not come here for jokes or take spell casting for granted

  This are the rule and regulation  you must follow in other for a
good spell casting and to get good result of 100% guaranteed. But
before i start with the casting of the spell your information and that of
your lover will be needed for the casting of the spell.If you have
scanner at home,Just also scan to me both of your pictures OK..But if
not,Do not worry your self at all,As the information you will provide below
will be fine and OK.

YOUR NAME:
YOUR LOVER’S NAME:
YOUR COUNTRY:
YOUR MOBILE:
YOUR BOTH AGE:
YOUR BOTH PICTURE:
If I get the details I will proceed with the casting of the spell for
you and your wife will do whatever you desire. You have made the right choice for contacting.

The game – once again – was on. I loved it:If you have a scanner at home… if not, don’t worry“.

So I had to invent another fake profile. I decided for a story (trouble with my wife) and a couple of personas: Claudio Garella (another legendary goalkeeper of Napoli calcio from 1985-88) and Pina Fantozzi (the fictional wife of Ugo Fantozzi, an Italian comedy iconic character).

My real marriage is allright, thanks for asking.

Yes, there is even a Star Wars reference. And I attached the pictures.

Once again I wanted to test them: would they even run a background check on me? As it turned out, they didn’t. My friends had a certain taste for drama, this time. And soon they started with their requests.

425 euro to buy alligator pepper (what?), cloth, candles and other magic ingredients. For some reason, they also decided to attach this random picture of “African magic” (I guess?).

So, of course I decided to play with them a little bit.

But the “Doctor” soon proved to be short-tempered. Very different from the first experience with online scammers, who just wanted to please me all the time. This guy started threatening me pretty soon:

Oh-ohhhhh now I was getting worried. Of course, my game went on:

Their strategy was “good cop and bad cop” (I guess I should rather say “good God and bad God”) all wrapped in one. One message was threatening me, the next was kind and condescending:

I guess that must be the most effective approach, from their side. From my side, I just decided to have fun with them – this time with a long string of geeky quotes from popular films and music.

Spot the quote in this one:

Uh-oh, I guess they did! The threats went immediately up one notch.

So, it was my turn to apologize and show a much meeker face. Also, I decided to make my pop quotes a little less obvious. Can you spot it? If not, here is a little help.

Uhm… I guess it was still too much.

But still, my friends didn’t want to waste a potential customer. What I still find surprising, is that they provide real addresses. Most evidently they are not afraid of the consequences.

So once again I found myself apologizing. What better way than a song?

The Doctor was not a fool. I had the feeling he was seeing through my jokes all the time. But then, why continue?

I decided to tease him (them) a little bit more. With another hidden musical reference.

Doctor Okojie was not a fan of Adele, I found out. He didn’t get my last reference – or was too motivated to successfully complete the deal. He pushed me to the next stage of our negotiation.

I was having too much fun. Inspired by the “Dark Gods” topic of our game, I decided to add a nod to that direction.

Which fell completely unnoticed. Sadly.

So, the morning after, with a fresh mind I thought it was time to bring the charade to an end. I introduced my “smart friend” (once again, with a musical clue):

The Beatles were probably a step too far. My “Doctor” was angry again:

So I decided to withdraw to the safety of my 1980s magic (hint, hint):

But Okojie proved to be a cold hearted, pragmatic business man. A “very busy spiritualist”.

And once again, the “bad cop, good cop” game was on. When he sent me a message that was a little too blunt or strict, another came within minutes to try to reassure me with kinder words.

I wonder if there were more than one person, dealing with this particular transaction. The changes of tone and strategy appeared too radical. If it was one person, the guy (or gal) was clever.

And I replied. After all, it was all about Money, Money, Money, right?

I asked for a discount… and it worked!

Suddenly my merciless Doctor was a cheap bargainer. So I pulled again the rope.

And I won. They just wanted to grab the cash, and disappear. 

At this point the play was almost over. I decided to push the bar a little bit forward (with some more “Money” reference) for what I thought was the last time:

And yes, this was probably the last drop. The Doctor was casting his terrible curse on me!

“You will suffer and suffer. Your family will know no peace”. 

Hey – if someone is reading, and I know someone is reading – don’t you think this is too much?

I love drama, but what if someone is really gullible and believes this kind of stuff? Do you really want to scare people? The kind of individuals who believe online scams are probably already very vulnerable. Is it really necessary to bring this kind of scary nightmares in their life?

Anyway, my measure was full, and so I decided to drop the mask. With another Queen reference, to cap it all.

The “Doctor” didn’t reply this time. The game was over. 

*

And this was it. Hey guys, if you are reading because something similar happened to you (or someone you know): don’t send money online to these scammers. It’s all fake.

Behind these emails are people without scruples who won’t hesitate to blackmail or threaten you, in order to receive some money. Don’t ever give them your real personal details and contacts,  and if you know of somebody who was scammed, report the case immediately to your local authorities.

Grazie, Claudione.

Keep the guard high and don’t believe everything you read online! 

And to the rest of you, my dear readers, I hope you had fun! Did you manage to guess all the musical references – without clicking on the videos? 

Do you have a similar spam email that you want to discuss with me, so that I can write a post about it? Get in touch and let’s have some fun :)

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